A good person wanting to be great

Hey Cheery You,

Just want someone to know what is going on because you will notice me being away for the next two weeks.  10 days of which are vacation with 3 days of suspension.

THAT WOMAN hustled me, graceful lady, union rep and me into an "Investigative Meeting" yesterday at around 11 am, giving me 15 min to mentally and physically to prepare with the Union Rep {lovely nice gal, fairly new to the role but really a natural in conflict resolution and mediation--she REALLY should consider as a career choice!}.THAT WOMAN had 2 areas of concern:

1) Calls with customers, and

2) Adherence to schedule

Well, ironically I knew I was in deep sh*t when I got to work yesterday morning, going through my email first thing.  There was an email on RP&O with the "APPROVED" subject with link to NOTA appearing.  So naturally, I clicked.  To my gasp, it had only approved one third of what the CANVASS was about.  

You see, my husband and I had some important things going on and we had to go to our bank.  We didn't have an appointment because it was an emergency.  << to put into perspective my state of mind.

I was finishing a call and because the canvass had already been submitted, I was just waiting for approval, my husband was on his way to get me.  

So I submitted responding to the CANVASS of 13:00 to 16:00 MT within 30 seconds of it cascading out.  [ didn't think that many type faster than me .... which is why I blog and write really long emails when I finally get around to, which is rare].

So as the call was ending on a second call, I saw the OUTLOOK NOTIFICATION on the lower part of my screen, and read:  "APPROVED...  numbers with a link."  I didn't bother going to the link, as I was focused on the call.  But I immediately shut down everything upon finishing that call, logging off by "X".  

BEFORE THAT

When I was out for a smoke on my first break yesterday, I chatted with this real cool gal named M******* who was in from Vancouver doing some training for some of the crew.  When she was there, I said as I was lighting up a smoke:  "I'm in deep kahkah."  And proceeded to tell her what had happened:  the canvass, submission, approval .... but only for the last hour of what the original canvass was for.

Call me paranoid, but it sure seems like some gross stuff going on in our back end.  Kinda like being in a vulnerable position!  But I was also having a lot of issues with our tools shutting down, freezing or at limited capacity.  This started last Friday.  Before they moved you away from me.  The one sunny happy face every time I walk in and you're there.  Truly.

So on Friday and when I worked on Mother's Day Sunday, and then Monday, I kept having these issues and was shutting off that one tool you remember ;) and restarting to see if VOICE would come on ... this was just another day in paradise but it didn't feel right that it was intentionally turned off.  [ A foreshadowing of what was yet to become ] so every time I logged on and I logged off, I sent my an email to report i was drowning in errors but wanted to stay compliant.

So on Monday, when our management team is fully staffed, i talked to this graceful lady and she suggested I log on and off, which I had been doing.  This time, champion to plug in and soldier on, I did a hard reboot, writing down the time.  When I got all logged back on I went to record the mishap officially on another tool where big sis keeps an eye on us, we are recorded, get a message if we're on a call too long.  Any how, sorry, sidetracked:  when I put the time in to that scheduler tool, it rejected it, stating:  that the time allotment was not available.  As if I'd tried to book a holiday and based on business scheduling guidelines, it would be rejected.  Except that wasn't what I was doing.  I was trying to officially report the longer minutes it took to do a full system reboot.  But it wouldn't let me.

Hahahaha, this sounds more like a soap opera.  I'd say I'm sorry but don't think it's my space to apologize.

I remember for the past few days I've felt a physical lift from my shoulders and stress levels because THAT WOMAN and I were on really opposite schedules when I'd start early, leave early and the other at late, late.

No such luck.  After I went for that smoke and said to that gal from Vancouver I was in kahkah, it showed a keen sense of intuition.  [Her response, by the way, was:  "hey, it was a mistake, we're all human" and i said "i misread one other when I thought it was from this time A) to this time B) it wasn't.  It was a couple of hour gap in the day which I interpreted to mean "goneZO' for the day.  For that I did get a very stern lashing.]

Which makes me wonder.  If we're listened to and our every click watched, why aren't our interactions with others officially recorded also?  I mean, really.  I think there would be tremors of shock waves rippling across the country from Toronto to Vancouver, with Alberta a necessary evil in economic clout in between seldom acknowledged as a small cog in among very big wheels.  If we wanted to join the army, we would have.  Yet from all the warm and fuzzy PR and MARKETING you would think we all wore our pajamas and fluffy slippers to work, wrapped in our warm blankets, sipping the hot chocolate that our support would have made, and served to us while we do one of the most IMPORTANT tasks in any such company:  speaking to the people on their behalf!  How can anyone not be trusted with that responsibility for three years and suddenly be some sort of loose canon?

So yesterday, THATWOMAN was suppose to start late, minutes before it was time for me to go, such person appeared:  Asked me to log off at around 10:30amMT to tell me publicly, in front of my work station, within hearing of anyone in the immediate area, no PRIVACY extended by a CORE value what our public persona says.  I was not taken aside nor called into her cubicle [which any corporate profile consultant would forbid, boding grave consequences when such cruelty was displaced, particularly in an even more important placement of trust.

So I was called in for two things 

to be investigated:  one, the schedule adherence and two, customer complaints.  So, right away I sent all the emails to the consultant that I'd sent when I was having grievous troubles doing my job, like handcuffed or trying to take a call on MUTE.  

So the schedule adherence portion was pretty much a done deal.  I advised her and the scribe how I read the EMAIL notification and logged off immediately.  Not expanding on pressing family matters.  [ one has to have trust in the person that they would share that with, and this person had not earned it, but threatens it every day we're both at this place of work ].  Nothing acknowledged of the email sent at 8:07amMT informing of the mistake made leaving earlier based on interpretation of approval.  [ not referencing any personal duress ]

So voila, the investigation resulted in being suspended for three days.  I should be miserable, but being that I got to start my holiday a surprise one-day earlier and a dash of an extra couple of days at the end, I'm not upset, sad or anxious at all.  Today.  

Yesterday was a completely, entirely different day.  I felt attacked, my integrity examined, my honesty, loyalty, devotion to the success of the company questioned.  They sure don't know me at all.  Which is a good thing.

Because I'm a fighter.  I don't take it laying down beaten anymore.  My reaction at the time yesterday was surprise.  I confessed, honestly, which is my custom: " I thought I would be fired". 

I should be thankful

that I get to keep my job eh?  What a lucky gal I am, no doubt.  Especially when the tales of job loss and foreclosure statistics are cocooning us into a claustrophobic jail where paranoia is rampant and respect is a one way street.  Where we live and now, apparently, where we work.

Well, I am feeling energetic, being up shortly after 7 a.m. this morning.  With a zip in my head and a spring in my step.  Realizing that the days I should be catching up on sleep is the days before and in between working, but NEVER on my own time.  

Allowing anyone to exhaust you to the point of near depression, to hammer your self-esteem and bull's eye your confidence and destroy any career growth in the company is a total waste of breath or blip on the brain.

I'm going to embrace these 2 weeks and not sleep the time away.  Why?  Because it is MY time.  I own it.  I own me.  I am accountable for the mistakes I make.  I find it unacceptable and abhor able that anyone is given a label of support in a position of authority should be not examined more closely.  

Because me thinks >> and come to the conclusion that >> it is not me who should be worried.  Because everything I have shared has been documented.

During the meeting yesterday I asked a few simple questions:

1)  Why were the customer escalations used as a cause for discipline when the said person brought it to that person's attention to listen to them together to extrapolate how to deal with such a difficult person.  Not because I wanted to complain, but because I wanted to L-E-A-R-N LEARN from it.  Why wasn't it leveraged as an opportunity for coaching and teaching?  How could something that was willingly brought forward with the request to review, turned around and used as a disciplinary measure.  Is that the way you create the position of trust?

How sad that a great collaborative opportunity to learn, by exchanging ideas, revisiting something in the immediate past, where the memory is fresh.

Well, sorry but this did turn into a blog .... so share it I must.  Not to worry, all names and references will be removed before posting.  Only dedicated, investigative souls may follow it back to me.  Regardless, it is solely my opinion as to the events that unfolded and reported back as a blog, under the umbrella of personal opinion, non-reflective of any employer, client, associate or friend.

I'm a good person wanting to be great.  Working hard at it I must say!

xo Jeannette